My partner recently lost his job and he's been doing nothing around the house. He's watching TV and playing online all day while I work. When I get home, the chores haven't been done and he doesn't even have dinner ready for me. How should I address his laziness? It's becoming a turnoff.
Wait a second. Doesn’t even have dinner ready for me. Chores. Is this the trade-off? Is he your servant now that he’s unemployed? That seems like a reasonable expectation. “I worked all day so you should cook for me.” I get what you’re saying but, come on. If his grandmother dies today would you tell him to shake it off and be a man tomorrow?
When someone loses their job, it can be traumatic. If it’s an unexpected layoff and not a firing, it can throw people for a loop. Where’s your sensitivity in this? Sure, I’m not working with the full story here but by your own admission this was “recently” and it sounds like you’re not even giving him time for his emotions (if any) to settle and get over his loss. Remember, this is HIS loss, not yours. It’s YOUR inconvenience and quite possibly his, making it a double whammy for the poor guy.
Recently lost his job – your words. Recently. How big of a bitch are you? You’ve assigned him housework, what, as a distraction? His new job isn’t housekeeper, let’s be clear.
I know a woman who worked at a place for 15 years and without warning lost her job in a massive layoff. She was so shaken up because of the loyalty she had for the company and everything she put into it for most of her working years was taken away without warning. No hint of trouble, just called into HR and told her position was being eliminated. Sure, some people could bounce back within a few hours and start their job search but she decided to take three months and travel to clear her head. And you know what, when she got back home she was amped up and ready to start over. She’s been in her new role for five years already and loving every minute of it. She needed the time away and she came back better than ever.
So, for someone to putter around the house for a while and spend time mindlessly web surfing or gaming isn’t unreasonable. I’m more shocked that you’re already saying he’s not pulling his weight around the house. Again, recently – your word. Though, I suppose recent for you could be much different than recent for me. I suspect we’re not talking about six months ago. Even if we are, if he’s financially secure and not putting all the bills on you and it’s a matter of him taking a moment to recharge, what is the harm in that?
If the issue is your selfishness and inconsideration, that’s on you, not him. Why aren’t you supporting your partner and encouraging him? Are you keeping an eye out for job prospects? Are you spending any time surfing job postings and helping him start over? If not, shame on you for being the sideline critic.