Lately I've been catfishing my partner to test his loyalty. I don't suspect that he's a cheater but I want to see how he'll react when his loyalty is tested. He responds with flirty messages but nothing that crosses the line. Should I push it further to see how he responds?
Red alert, red alert. Prepare to be single! This relationship is over.
So, at some point you'll come at him with accusations and confront him for being flirty. What if he fires back and says, “Yeah, I knew it was you all along” and now the tables have turned? You started this mess and you deserve what’s coming to you.
Secondly, the fact that you’re spending so much time to set him up and catch him in a lie, highlights your insistence on sabotaging the relationship. You can say it’s a “loyalty test” but we both know that’s bullshit. You’re setting him up and it’s you destroying whatever kind of relationship you have. It’s kind of gross that your efforts in this partnership are setting him up for failure than spending time on building something together.
I’d suggest having a conversation but I think the talk needs to be with yourself. So he’s being a nice person to some stranger online. Are you expecting him to go, “Whoa, stop writing to me, I’m in a relationship” or what? I’ve never understood why people expect to have so much control in their relationship that their partner isn’t allowed to so much as look at another person. To hear, “It’s disrespectful that you’re talking to another person” would make me head for the hills. I can talk to whoever I please, thank you very much. If I’m arranging hookups on the side, that’s a different story. You can’t stop me from talking to a person. Ever. How does that song go? “You don’t own me.”
Let’s think about when we go to a restaurant. The servers in a sports bar with their skin-tight clothing and fake eyelashes and in-your-face titties talk to customers a certain way. It’s flirty for tips. Or, it could just be – and it’s unlikely but entirely possible – that they’re just fun and playful people. (And that was sarcasm. Many people are hired as servers because of their personalities. Save your hate mail for someone else.)
Back to your relationship: Working behind his back in the hopes that he stumbles – and let’s be honest, that’s exactly what you’re doing – makes me wonder why you can’t accept that you might just have a good guy on your hands. Well, that you did have a good guy – until you fucked it up. Good luck stalking him online after he dumps you. You know that’s your next move, right? I do.