I like dressing up and looking good but my partner recently changed his style and is shopping at thrift stores. I think it's gross and not on my level anymore. I've mocked his wardrobe but he takes it as a joke but I'm actually serious. It's to the point if he's wearing used clothes I don't want to be seen with him. Is it a me problem or a him problem?
Is your concern the ick factor of wearing someone else’s clothes or just that it’s not fashion-runway caliber? It makes a difference.
Let’s be honest, described as “thrift store” clothes, you’re ick’ed out that someone else wore them, not what they look like because “thrift store” doesn’t have a specific look. If he came in wearing a brand-name shirt and didn’t tell you it’s from a thrift store, you’d have no idea. It’s like when you’re a kid and you refuse to eat Loopy O’s cereal because it’s not the brand-name Cheerios. It’s the same goddamn thing it just doesn’t have the prestige of the recognizable name on it. If the bags inside the box were switched out, you’d have no idea. (Trust me, my mom did that to me as a kid.)
I note that you say “changed his style” but didn’t mention anything about money. Is it safe to assume this isn’t about finding cheaper clothes? If it’s about saving money, truthfully there’s nothing wrong with that if someone is watching their finances. True, there could be cheap clothes at a department store but sometimes thrift is the ultimate bargain.
Sometimes people wear bizarre outfits for attention. We’ve all seen someone on a reality show come in with a weird look and you know it’s for the comments and nothing else. That could be a deeper conversation about why he needs to dress outrageously.
Here’s the thing: our styles and tastes are constantly changing. Can you honestly say you don’t cringe at your high school photos from a decade or two ago? You wore THOSE jeans?? Your hair looked like THAT??
So, his look has changed. Have you ever tried a new hairstyle or new brand of product? You likely have. Did it take some getting used to? Maybe. And when you have got a haircut or changed your style, you probably got a reaction and comments from co-workers or classmates. Did it catch them off guard at first? Of course. Was it relationship breaking? No.
Moreover, does your partner have to love every single flippin’ outfit that you wear? Do you expect him to say, “Whatever makes you feel comfortable?” You probably do. If he doesn’t make an issue of your appearance and you’re free to make your own choices, then why isn’t he?