My relationship is great but the sex is terrible. I've tried things to spice it up with my partner but it's not working. I love him but I worry bad sex will end it all. What should I do?
Rarely are partners mind readers. They are explorers, sure, but not mind readers. The only way for it to get better is to communicate and tell him what works and what doesn’t.
Rewind: when you started to discover your body back in the day, it was trial and error. You figured out things you liked and didn’t like. Then, when you incorporated someone else into the mix, you probably discovered new things that you liked (well, perhaps not with him, right?). Maybe there’s a certain part of your body that you like touching on your own but it doesn’t feel the same when someone else does it – and vice versa. Unless you tell someone and not pretend with fake “oh, baby, yeah, yeah, yeaaaaaah” when you’re not really enjoying yourself, there’s no way it could get better.
Though, on that note, if you’re faking it and making him think he’s turning your crank and ringing your bell, that’s kind of on you. Sure, you might have started doing it to spare his feelings or give him a gold star for his performance but ultimately that’s caught up with you and now look where you’re at. Now, you have the awkward position of revealing your deception that he’s not bringing you home the way you wanna be, uh, brung.
So, where do we go from here? Has he given you direction or instruction on what works for him? What’s your performance like? How do you know he’s not faking, too? Something to think about.
As long as you don’t criticize and make him feel like he’s doing something wrong, there’s no problem in saying, "Hey, how about this next time?” or directly saying, “OK, here, go here, yeah, there, there we go” – and actually mean it. No fake-sies.