My partner tickles me and thinks it's playful and flirty. It's annoying and doesn't get me in a sexy mood. How do I tell him to stop without it hurting his feelings?
“Stop, I don’t like that.” Done. Problem solved! Next.
If you really want to get your point across, have a physical reaction that injures him. Make it look like an uncontrollable twitch. If he’s tickling your feet, flinch and kick him. Do it every time. Every time. If he’s tickling your armpit, squirm and elbow him in the face. Do it every time. Every time.
People often associate any kind of physical touch with affection. Putting a hand on your shoulder. Putting an arm around you. While those often do indicate a level of intimacy, they’re not usually something that’s uncomfortable. (Unless, of course, you do it to your seatmate on a plane. That might be awkward. But, who knows, maybe you’ll make a new friend before landing.)
Do you laugh – even awkwardly or uncomfortably – when he tickles you? You could be sending mixed messages. I wonder if you’re playing into the tickling thing. That would likely encourage him to do it more. It’s like when kids do something silly and their parents laugh, so the kid keeps doing it over and over because they got the laugh. If nobody laughed, they’d stop doing it, right?
But, really, have you even tried saying, "I don't like that" because, if not, you've got terrible communication in your relationship.